April 29th, 2025

One. Week. Seven long days.

It’s only been one week since my surgery. A week of physical hurt, anger, pain, and frustration that my vices and pastimes can only do so much for. To be completely transparent with you all, all of this has felt like a lifetime and it is exhausting. On my commute to class this morning (which I am very glad I get to go to) sitting in traffic was even more uncomfortable than it normally is. I can’t find any space that I physically belong in, which is such a frustrating experience. My crutches are annoying, my knee brace is still annoying (sometimes), and my deadbeat leg is heavy and weighs me down.

Fuck, this is hard. I wouldn’t wish this type of pain, restriction, or recovery on anyone. I’ve had my fair share of broken bones and injuries, one prominent one being my right hand back in 2021. I broke my scaphoid bone skateboarding and had to get a screw put in so that bone could heal. That sucked for sure, but at least I was able to still walk and maintain a great deal of physical independence. With this injury, you really don’t realize how much you can’t do when you can’t do it.

It is easy to get lost in how difficult something is. Sorry if I sound like a broken record, but this is hard. Probably the most grueling and frustrating situations I’ve experienced in my life. It feels that all I can focus on right now is what I can’t do, the physical pain that I feel, and looking straight ahead at getting better. But, I realize that with this difficult time comes lessons. It brings learning. It brings honesty with myself. I can still find joy and movement in my life despite it all. It has been refreshing to not be occupied all the time, like life wanted me to take a step back and look inside myself to really test how I deal with hardship and teach me some shit. Well, universe, you can try your best bring me down but I am one stubborn motherfucker. I know I can recover and stay grateful, positive, and openminded.

I know for a fact I will come out of this a better, more rounded, more understanding man.

I hope that my musings of positivity through a difficult time encourage you readers put your own situations into a new perspective. Whatever you are going through, whatever you have been through, I know that you can overcome the mental hardship through gratitude and self healing.

Thank you for reading today’s entry. I will see you all tomorrow.